How Do We Control Emotions like Anger and Frustration?
It’s not so much about control. Our whole life is about control. We’re always trying to control everything – to control ourselves, control one another, and control life — but we always fail. We can never truly control ourselves. And even if we try, this often becomes a kind of repression or suppression.
The key is generally, all these strong emotions come because energy is stuck. We’re not expressing; we’re not free, right? Since we were children, we’ve had to sit still — do this, do that. We’ve been containing our energy, transforming wild aliveness into very restrictive, minimal movements.
Express Primal Energy
So, I think it’s essential to express this primal energy through sports, exercise, nature, and movement. We have to give space for this wildness and let the energy flow. Then what expresses itself as anger and these different emotions can be released and transformed into a different quality of energy. There is one energy moving, and it expresses itself in different ways according to our thoughts, experiences, traumas, and blockages. Through practice, we allow this energy to flow, and naturally, these strong emotions become messengers. It’s not the emotions itself that are the problem. Anger, for instance, is a pointer, inviting us to explore something deeper—some idea or experience causing friction.
The emotions are tools, invitations to explore and integrate different aspects of our life. We shouldn’t make the emotion wrong because, at the core, it’s just part of the one energy of life, of love. As we filter emotions through practice, through the organs—lungs, kidneys, liver, gallbladder, as understood in Chinese medicine—we balance the physical and energetic systems. By moving energy through our bodies, we balance the elements and work with the emotions unconsciously during asana, pranayama, and meditation. During practice, the trapped energy, emotions, thoughts, memories, and karma begin to move through the system and purify.
We don’t understand exactly how this works, just like we don’t know how digestion works or how our brain and nervous system function. I don’t know what’s happening in my body right now or how the blood flows, yet it all happens thanks to the natural intelligence of life. Life functions perfectly at every level, from the microcosm to the macrocosm. When we allow the system to regulate and the energy to flow, it knows what to do, like a garden blossoming by itself. The garden knows when to grow and flower, just as our biology, heart, and mind are infused with life’s superintelligence.
Rest in Not Knowing
We don’t need to figure out how to grow or what to fix. This desire to control comes from the ego. We need to allow the natural process and surrender. Control is the problem. Control is the ego. It’s a dance, but constant control and expectation set us up for frustration and tension.
That’s why, in practice, we cultivate not knowing as an active state—to rest in not knowing and not trying to know. When we can let go of the need to know, which is a partial or false knowing, we can relax into being. Moments of being will fill you with energy and love, making moments of doing and thinking more efficient. We become infinitely more effective with less thinking.
This is why we suggest cultivating this state of being through practice. It’s not a thought, but a rhythm, a vibration. You have to work with your breath and pay attention to subtle sensations. As you clean your body, heart, and mind daily through practice, emotions begin to unlock, and you access the energy trapped within. You gain insights through your own process.
Wisdom and learning come from within. Emotion is life force, and we don’t want to cut it off. We can’t remove it; we need to recycle it and see where the blockage is. Sometimes, we can’t understand the reason behind it—it’s not always tied to a specific event. But we can recognize the blockage, and through massage, dance, breathwork, and meditation, we can unblock and release it.
